


Viewfinder- How it REALLY Happened

by J_Unleashed



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Boys In Love, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, No Ukes Were Harmed in the Making of this Fanfic, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2124735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Unleashed/pseuds/J_Unleashed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takaba is totally responsible for all the violence and bloodshed in Chapter 4! Asami solves the mystery of why he is staying in that damn hotel room. Fei Long returns and throws a temper tantrum that unbelievably lasts through 3 books!</p><p>Chapter 4: A parody based on "The Naked Truth" (also known as "The Hong Kong Arc). A *slightly* different re-telling of the events from the Viewfinder series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're My Consolation Prize

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody of the Viewfinder series and it is simply pure silliness. If you're looking for dramatic plot, sexy stuff, or even intellectual humor you will not find it here. This is just for giggles. Proceed with this in mind.
> 
> Laugh today, if you can.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami Ryuichi and Takaba Akihito meet for the first time. It's a good day for Asami... not so much for Takaba. A parody of the original story "You're My Loveprize" from Target in the View Finder.

~With sincere apologies to Yamane-sensei who owns the rights to the Finder series, but I just can't resisting touching...

**. .  
**

**. . . . .**

On a rooftop near Club Sion, Shinjuku, intrepid photojournalist-wannabe 23 year old Takaba Akihito snaps a picture of a corrupt politician, outside a nightclub, engaging in criminal activity... because you know any politician found loitering outside a nightclub MUST be engaging in some kind criminal activity.

**. . . . .**

A few days later, somewhere downtown Tokyo in Asami Ryuichi's office, Tattletale Kirishima Kei brings in a file containing pictures.

Kirishima opens the file and places the pictures on Asami's desk. "Sir... you're not going to believe this! Apparently, the manager of Club Sion has a 'kink' for policemen. So to get their attention, he invited a photojournalist-wannabe to take pictures of him bribing a corrupt politician in front of the club. Now your club is overrun with a bunch ugly undercover cops who just sit around NOT buying drinks. Do you want us to do anything about it?"

Asami glares at Kirishima.

Kirishima nervously turns to fellow lackey, Suoh Kazumi, "I think we should fire the manager."

Suoh rolls his eyes, "You think?!" He pulls out a gun and loads a clip into it.

Kirishima and Suoh exit the office. Asami looks down at his desk. There are three surveillance photos taken of the young photographer, Takaba Akihito, looking very sexy.

Asami takes a long drag off of a cigarette and exhales. "Damn, I'm horny..."

**. . . . .**

A few nights later in an alleyway, in a questionable part of the city, Kirishima and Suoh have caught and restrained Takaba.

"Why the hell are you coming after me?!" Takaba yells. "The newspaper rejected those photos! They ran my rival's pictures of a kitten roundhouse-kicking a dog instead." He looks up and sees a well-dressed man step out of the shadows. Takaba thinks he could easily be described as "sexy".

"You think I'm sexy, huh?" Asami leers at Takaba. "Well, you're kind of cute yourself."

Flustered, Takaba replies, "Wha...? I NEVER SAID THAT! As matter of fact, I'd definitely call you UNSEXY!"

Appalled that someone would DARE refer to his boss as "unsexy", Kirishima knees Takaba HARD in the stomach.

 _"Hrgh!"_ Takaba grunts.

Kirishima grins, "Oops... sorry about that. I get these random leg spasms."

Takaba suddenly knees Kirishima HARD in the balls.

 _"Guhhh!"_ groans Kirishima.

"Yeah... I get those, too," Takaba retorts sarcastically.

Takaba breaks away from the men and runs to a door at the back of the alleyway. He wrenches it open and slips through it thinking it will lead out, but that WAS the door that leads out... from a stairway leading to the roof. Now he's cornered like a rat on the roof.

Suoh gloats triumphantly, "Ha! Now you're cornered like a rat on the roof!"

Takaba has no choice but to take his chances and jump off the roof. Shocked, Asami and Suoh look over the edge.

Takaba is clinging precariously to a signboard.

"Nyahhhhhhh!" Takaba sticks his tongue out. He spreads his legs far apart as he straddles a large, vertical sign.

Asami smiles evilly, "That gives me a few ideas..."

**. . . . .**

The next day, Takaba is at a police station, speaking with Detective Yamazaki.

"I don't know WHAT THE HELL you got me into!" Takaba rants. "Somehow I ended up getting beat up in an alleyway by a bunch of men wearing 3-piece Armani suits, while a really elegant, but SCARY dude watched. He acted like he wanted to EAT me for dinner! I had to jump off of a building to escape... from three-stories up! I even got injured..." Takaba whimpers and holds up his bandaged pinky finger.

"Where?" Detective Yamazaki checks out Takaba's body from head to toe.

"My pinky finger!" Takaba waves the bandaged finger in front of Yamazaki's nose. "See?! I sprained it!"

"You jumped down three stories and only sprained a pinky?" Yamazaki stares at him, incredulous. "I don't believe it! You probably have internal injuries. You should come into my office and take your clothes off... you know, so I can make sure you're not hurt anywhere else."

Takaba eyes Yamazaki suspiciously. "Why would I do that? You're a cop, not a doctor."

Yamazaki laughs nervously, "Ha... I was just joking."

"Well, at least explain what the hell you got me into!"

Yamazaki takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "That 'elegant, but scary dude' you are referring to sounds like a man called Asami. He's a bad, bad man. He's got his hand in all the cookie jars... illegal shipments of guns, drugs, Xbox consoles... you name it. Bad man... BAD! As your appointed guardian, I cannot allow you to go anywhere near him ever again!"

Yamazaki pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Takaba. "By the way, Asami... umm, I mean a CORRUPT POLITICIAN, will be down at the pier at a warehouse, tonight, at midnight. Here's the address."

"Ooh! Thanks for the tip, Yama-san! I owe you one."

Yamazaki smirks and mutters to himself, "Yeah... I'll be sure to collect on that later."

**. . . . .**

That evening, Asami is at his penthouse, relaxing on a plush leather recliner, wearing nothing but a short, thick luxurious bathrobe opened partially to expose his smooth, muscular chest. Hmm... let's take a few minutes to appreciate that...

*

*

*

*AHEM*... Asami is relaxing on a plush leather recliner, wearing nothing but a short, thick luxurious bathrobe opened partially to expose his smooth, muscular chest. He flashes back to the scene of Takaba fearlessly jumping off the roof and sticking out his tongue as he straddles the large, vertical sign between his legs. Asami rewinds and replays the memory again- this time in slow motion.

Asami closes his eyes and smiles.

**. . . . .**

Later that evening, at the pier, near the warehouse around 2 AM, intrepid photojournalist-wannabe Akihito Takaba snaps a picture of...

Takaba looks through his viewfinder and sees someone staring straight at him. "Is that Asami?! OH SHIT!"

Suddenly, Suoh grabs Takaba from behind and knocks him out. He ties up Takaba and as an afterthought, adds a large red bow.

Suoh enthusiastically delivers Takaba to Asami. "Happy birthday, Boss!"

Asami rolls his eyes. "Just toss him in the back of the limo."

**. . . . .**

Inside a warehouse office, Takaba wakes up and finds himself tied up, spread-eagle and naked. His body is adorned with a system of various black leather straps containing buckles, clips and chains.

"Wha... what's going on?"

Asami is standing in front of him, smirking. "You don't recognize a torture scene when you see one?" He opens a black leather bag and pulls out a rather large, scary-looking vibrator.

Takaba gulps. "I thought torture scenes usually involved shoving bamboo shoots under the fingernails."

Asami rummages through the bag. "Hmm... I don't think I have bamboo shoots..." He pulls out a urinary catheter and grins wickedly. "I wonder what I could POSSIBLY do with this?"

Asami does all manner of perverse acts to Takaba… including some Takaba had never even HEARD of. Asami takes pictures throughout the ordeal with Takaba's own camera.

Asami holds up a spent roll of film. "Here are some souvenir photos. I'd slip it in your pocket, but you seem to be lacking them at the moment. Ah, I have an idea..." He inserts film into the only opening he can find on Takaba's lower body.

"Why are you doing these terrible things to me?" Takaba whimpers, miserably.

Asami gives him an ironic smile. "Don't you know? This story was written for an S/M themed issue of a magazine."

"Of course it was. It couldn't have been a VALENTINE'S THEMED ISSUE, COULD IT?!" Takaba weeps uncontrollably.

Asami is stunned at the sight of Takaba's tears. "Oh... not good."

Asami's only weakness is now exposed- he's a sucker for tears. He suddenly loses all interest in torturing Takaba. Asami softly caresses Takaba's teary face and tenderly kisses him. He gently loosens Takaba's bonds and then... RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM.

**. . . . .**

Back at the pier, early in the morning, three days later, Takaba returns to retrieve his lost camera equipment. Oddly enough, it is still there. Oddly enough, so is Detective Yamazaki. Seeing Takaba, Yamazaki freaks out and attempts to shoot him. Asami comes from OUT OF NOWHERE and shoots Yamazaki first. It turns out Yamazaki double-crossed the police, while the police double-crossed the rival gangsters, while the rival gangsters double-crossed Asami, while Asami double-crossed the rival gangsters BACK. So it was a double-double-double... uh, double cross.

Takaba figures out that he was double-crossed by EVERYBODY, in effect being triple-crossed... or maybe even quadrupled-crossed. Anyway, his feelings are really hurt. He sits on a seawall, gazing out at the rising sun over the sea, a single tear rolling down his face.

Asami is totally captivated by this vision of Takaba. "You really are cute! Will you go out with me?"

Takaba glares at Asami, "... sure."

"Really?" Asami raises his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised

Takaba gives Asami a dirty look. "NO!"

**. . . . .**

**. .**


	2. Sexer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takaba is introduced to Asami's #1 nemesis, Liu Fei Long... and learns that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. A parody of the original story "Fixer" from Target in the View Finder.

**. .**

**. . . . .  
**

At a high-class hotel inside a reception hall, intrepid photojournalist Takaba Akihito is working undercover as a server at an exclusive fundraiser for a sleazy politician... because you know any politician who would rent a fancy hall, invite a bunch of rich people and serve them expensive champagne in order to sell himself like a cheap street prostitute, must be sleazy.

Takaba winds his way through the upper class crowd, bearing a tray with glasses of champagne. He has a camera hidden in his sleeve. He notices a man with a well-built physique standing next to him, dressed in a stunning tux. He turns to offer the man a glass and then freezes; the man is Asami Ryuichi.

"Well, if it isn't Takaba Akihito," Asami helps himself to a glass. "You're hooked on sex with men now... aren't you?"

Takaba looks at him, mildly disgusted. "You must be joking. I hated it! Why would you EVEN suggest such a thing?"

"Because," Asami smiles, "I've been watching you wander around this place, secretly taking pictures of well-dressed men."

"I... I'm an undercover photojournalist! That's what we do. We use all kinds of secret methods to get a story."

Asami raises an eyebrow. "And that story would be…?"

"Oh, well…" Takaba smiles coyly, "I'm not obligated to reveal that information to you."

Asami gives Takaba a piercing look, "You don't have a story at all, do you?"

"Well, not yet..." Takaba replies, distracted by Asami's gaze before his realizing his mistake. "NO! I mean... why are YOU here?" Takaba smirks, "Ha! You're stalking me, aren't you old man?"

Asami takes a sip of champagne and gazes lustfully at Takaba. "You ARE looking quite sexy in that waiter's uniform. How about you and I slip away from this boring party and in engage in a little…"

"Oh, Mr. ASAMIIII!" The Sleazy Politician waves at Asami, "Can you come over here for a minute?"

Asami sighs heavily. "Excuse me. Somebody wants my money… I mean, my attention." Looking bored, Asami walks away.

The waiter boss appears behind Takaba and taps him on the shoulder, startling Takaba. "Takaba! Put down that tray of champagne and take out those two stinking bags of trash over there. But make sure you take them out through the FRONT of the hotel and not out the back."

Takaba sullenly grabs the trash bags and walks past a fancy lounge. He is suddenly knocked down by a Shifty-Eyed Man, who is being chased by two men wearing ugly Hawaiian shirts. They tackle the man and pull out a knife.

"OH!" Takaba quickly pulls out his camera and begins taking pictures of the Ugly-Shirt Men stabbing the Shifty-Eyed Man.

The Shifty-Eyed Man looks at Takaba desperately. "Uh... a little help here?"

Takaba suddenly realizes what he is doing. "Oh... sorry!" He yells at the top of his lungs, "HELP! RAPE! RAPE!"

Startled by Takaba's yelling, the Ugly-Shirt Men quickly run away.

Takaba runs over to help the bloodied man. The Shifty-Eyed Man peers at Takaba with a strange look. "Rape? Really?"

"Habit," Takaba shrugs.

Takaba grins and begins to gloat, "AH HA! NOW I have a story! Wait until I tell Asami…!"

"Asami Ryuichi? You know Asami?! What a coincidence..." The now bleeding-to-death Shifty-Eyed Man hands Takaba a computer disk.

**. . . . .**

The next day outside of Asami's Club Sion, Takaba is stuck standing on the sidewalk because a massively HUGE lackey of Asami's is blocking his way.

"I need to see Asami right away!" Takaba tells him urgently.

The massively HUGE lackey, Suoh Kazumi, grins. "Hot for the Boss, huh?" He winks at Takaba.

Takaba shakes his head, "No, no, no… you have the wrong idea. I want to GIVE him something."

"Oh, yeah... I bet you do," snickers Suoh.

Irritated, Takaba glares at him. "Look, you IDIOT! You're making a big mistake! Asami's going to WANT what I have..."

Suoh laughs hysterically, "Ooooh! Heh heh heh..."

Exasperated, Takaba turns around to leave. "Oh never mind... I'll just mail it to him."

**. . . . .**

Later that evening, somewhere downtown in a rented Chinese Mafia hideaway complete with torture chamber and dungeon, recently kidnapped photojournalist Takaba Akihito finds himself bound, chained up, and dangling from the ceiling with his feet barely brushing the floor. He is being beaten by a man who not only does torturing for a living, but also LOVES his job. Several underlings have gathered around to watch. Suddenly, Takaba forgets about the beating because a sultry Asian beauty with long silky black hair has entered the room.

Takaba turns to one of the underlings and asks in a low voice, "Whoa... who's that sexy woman? She's stunning!"

"Believe it or not... that's a man, " whispers one of the Chinese underlings. "Our Number One, Liu Fei Long. But trust me, there's DEFINITELY a dragon between those legs of his... if you know what I mean." He winks at Takaba.

Takaba is puzzled. "Why does he look like a woman?" A light bulb goes off in Takaba's head and he exclaims loudly, "Oh, A TRANSSEXUAL!"

Liu Fei Long screeches, "I am ALL MAN, I can assure you!" He composes himself and smiles sweetly, "Do you want to see my muscular chest?"

"I'll take your word for it," Takaba replies sheepishly.

"Where's the disk?" Fei Long asks sharply.

Takaba looks at him innocently. "What disk? I don't know what you're talking about."

Fei Long saunters seductively toward Takaba. "You don't remember? I could rape you. That might jog your memory." He reaches out and caresses Takaba's face.

"Oh, THAT disk!" Takaba laughs nervously. "I gave it to Asami. Well, I actually slipped it into his mailbox because... " Takaba's eyes widen, "… wait, rape? You want to RAPE ME?! You... you're as bad as Asami!"

Shocked and dismayed, Fei Long gasps, "You mean Asami... violated and defiled you?! That... BASTARD!"

"Yeah!" Takaba nods vigorously. "That's what I'm saying!"

Fei Long bares his teeth and hisses, "Oooh! That dirty two-timer! Why would Asami choose to make love to brat like... like YOU, instead of someone elegant like ME?! "

"Make love!?" Takaba shakes his head in confusion. "You're a little bit insane, aren't you?"

"He has dishonored me and I will have my REVENGE! But how...?" Fei Long stares icily at Takaba before grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him close. "A wise man once told me the best solution to any problem... is sex."

Fei Long smiles viciously, "Have you ever seen a Chinese dragon up close?"

**. . . . .**

Much later that evening, a naked Takaba is chained up in a dungeon. He is also both figuratively, and literally butt-hurt. He hears a commotion somewhere and then Asami appears before him... in stylish, gangster-mode.

Takaba responds rather sarcastically, "Oh, right! Of course you're the LAST person I want to see right now."

Asami shrugs, "Hey, it's either me or Fei... your choice. Want me to leave?"

Takaba glares at Asami.

Asami grins at him devilishly.

**. . . . .**

Outside the rented Chinese mafia hideaway, Asami strolls out the door with Takaba slung over his shoulder. Takaba has Asami's suit coat draped over him but his rear end is exposed. Asami chuckles appreciatively and smacks Takaba's bare ass.

Takaba struggles, trying to get down. "Would you quit it?! Put me DOWN, you idiot!"

Asami puts Takaba down. Fei Long suddenly appears on a balcony and begins shooting furiously at Takaba.

Takaba panics and tries to jump back into Asami's arms. "Pick me UP, you idiot!"

**. . . . .**

A little while later at Asami's penthouse, a teary-eyed Takaba wedges himself into a corner, looking thoroughly traumatized after a night of being kidnapped, beaten, shot at, and raped. A strange look comes over Asami face.

"Poor Akihito… I'll make it all better," Asami tells him in a soothing voice.

Asami takes Takaba gently in his arms, kisses him softly, and then… RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM.

**. . . . .**

**. .**


	3. Nobody's Chaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takaba goes looking for evidence to expose Asami's link to the criminal underworld, but ends up getting "exposed" by Asami instead. A parody based on the original story "Body Chase" from Cage in the Viewfinder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make someone laugh today ;)

**. .**

**. . . . .**

It is a beautiful day and professional photographer Takaba Akihito is outside taking pictures at a wedding.

Suddenly, a scummy detective appears in Takaba's viewfinder. He looks a hell of a lot like Detective Yamazaki from Chapter One.

Detective Imamiya waves at Takaba, "Hey..."

Takaba screams. "AAAH! YAMAZAKI!"

Imamiya puts his hands up in an attempt to calm Takaba. "No, no... I'm different cop! I'm a GOOD cop... unlike Yamazaki. Well, actually Yamazaki wasn't really that bad either. He had a NOBLE reason for setting you up to be kidnapped, raped, and killed. And you weren't really killed because you're standing here right now, getting ready to charge that nice couple over there a crapload of money for wedding photos. Am I right?"

"Creep! You've been stalking me, haven't you?" Takaba goes back to taking photos. "I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Actually... I'm looking for a man named Asami."

Takaba adjusts the settings on his camera. "I don't think he'll have sex with you either."

Imamiya glares Takaba. "I just want to talk to him."

"Well, sorry... I don't know anyone named 'Asami'." Satisfied with the camera setting, Takaba resumes taking pictures.

Imamiya steps in front of Takaba's camera. "Sure you do. Everyone knows you're having sex with him."

Takaba looks up and turns red from either anger... or embarrassment. It's hard to tell with him.

"What?! WHAT?! It's a lie! Nobody would know that! Where did you get an idea like that?!"

Imamiya pulls out a notepad and glances at it. "Well, after Asami rescued you like a damsel-in-distress from that Chinese girly man... with bullets flying everywhere, no less... he was next seen carrying you in his arms and spiriting you away in his limo. YOU at the time happened to be wearing nothing but his blazer. And a smile." Imamiya closes his note pad and grins at Takaba, "We're fairly certain you two had sex after all that."

Takaba yells, "That is totally NOT TRUE," then he mumbles under his breath, "I never once smiled."

Takaba starts to back away, "And I never... EVER... want to see Asami again! Got that?!"

Imamiya grabs Takaba's arm, and shows him a black card that reads "Sion".

He waves it in front of Takaba's face. "I've got a pass to get into one of his clubs..."

Takaba's eyes widen. "Hot damn! Let's go!"

**. . . . .**

Later that evening in Asami Ryuichi's office Tattletale Kirishima Kei, Asami's secretary and main bodyguard lackey, enters the office and hands a 500+ page report to Asami to read.

"Sir... that brat is inside the Shinjuku club. I bet he's not even buying drinks! I bet he's just drinking water."

Scrutinizing the report, Asami replies distractedly, "Oh... is he now?"

"Well, I thought you might want to know," Kirishima presses on.

Asami turns a page. "I'm sure one of the sexy hostesses can talk the young man into buying her an expensive drink. There's no reason to be concerned."

"Okay... I just didn't think THAT PHOTOGRAPHER," Kirishima emphasizes rather loudly, "would have that much money on him."

Asami looks up, "We're talking about Takaba?"

Kirishima continues, "...but then again, you do have a point. Young men aren't very good at keeping their wits about them when they have a hot woman with BIG breasts… "

Asami interrupts him, "Call the club and tell the hostesses not go ANYWHERE near Takaba."

Kirishima smirks, "Yes, sir." He picks up the phone and dials.

Asami gives up trying to read the report and tosses it aside. "Damn, I'm horny..."

**. . . . .**

Meanwhile at Club Sion, Takaba is sitting at a bar with a very sexy hostess hanging all over him. He is… uncomfortable.

Takaba looks around for Imamiya, "My friend is sure taking a long time in the bathroom…"

"Maybe he's trying to give us a little time alone." The Sexy Hostess snuggles closer, "Want to buy me drink?"

Eager to get on with the investigating, Takaba is becoming irritated. "That's the third time you've asked me that! Not to be rude… but you're kind of annoying."

The bartender hands the Sexy Hostess a note. She reads it and gasps. "Nice meeting you!" She quickly jumps up and disappears.

A Drunk Man immediately sits down in the seat the Sexy Hostess just vacated.

The Drunk Man leers at Takaba, "Heyyyy, you're kind of cute! Want me to buy you a drink?"

Takaba looks pleadingly at the bartender, "Can you bring back the Sexy Hostess... please?" The bartender smirks and walks off.

"Ever been to a love hotel?" the Drunk Man slurs. "I know this great place... mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice..."

Takaba starts to scoot his chair away from the man, but then has a brilliant idea. He turns to the man and makes sexy-eyes at him.

"I don't think I can wait that long," Takaba whispers seductively to the Drunk Man. "Doing it in a storeroom really makes me... HOT. Why don't we head back there... through that door with the sign 'Employees Only'. I'm sure there MUST be a storeroom back there somewhere."

Takaba drags the drunk man out of his seat and steers him through the door.

Once through the door, the Drunk Man hesitates. "Umm... won't we get in trouble if we're caught back here?"

Takaba wiggles his eyebrows. "Oh, but that's what makes it SO exciting! Here, lean up against this wall for a second..."

Takaba slams the man into the wall, effectively knocking him out. The man slumps into Takaba's arms. A couple of big men in suits walk toward them, eyeing Takaba suspiciously.

Takaba suddenly pretends to be concerned. "Oh hey, old man! You look like you've had just a LITTLE too much to drink. You're not supposed to be back here, you know! Here, let me help you back out to the club… "

The two big men chuckle as they pass by. Takaba sighs with relief. He opens the nearest door he can find to get rid of the unconscious drunk. When he drags the man inside, Takaba drops him immediately because he has just found a high tech surveillance room.

Takaba grins. "BINGO! I swear, this is just TOO easy!"

He takes out a camera and begins taking pictures of the different monitors; however, his attention is drawn to one particular monitor. He watches some men place a large metallic-looking case on a table. They open it and Takaba sees that it's filled with artificial human limbs.

Horrified, Takaba gasps. "They're arms dealers!"

"I have to warn Imamiya!" Takaba runs out the door, but does not notice a dark shadow looming closely behind him. He stops suddenly and begins to break out in a light sweat. He loosens his tie and unbuttons the top button of his shirt. "Why do I feel SO warm all of a sudden?" He places his hand on his chest, "And my heart is racing... and... and I feel all tingly... "

Asami grabs him from behind and Takaba nearly jumps out of his skin. "ASAMI...!"

Asami immediately begins kissing the back of Takaba's neck. "What are you up to, Takaba?" Asami breathes against his skin.

"I... don't remember," Takaba shivers.

Asami's breath feels hot on his neck. "You came to see me, didn't you?"

"Yes... NO!" Takaba is momentarily confused. "Why AM I here?"

Asami licks Takaba's ear and then grins evilly, "For this..." He drags Takaba up the stairs to another room.

Once inside, Takaba remembers. "Imamiya! I need to see him RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh? You're the type that likes to watch, are you? Well, let's watch him together." The room they are in has several one-way windows. Asami points to one of the windows. Takaba sees Imamiya as he walks up to the room with the arms dealers and begins to open the door.

Takaba panics. "DO something! You have to save him!"

Asami grins as he watches some men grab Imamiya. "Why should I? I don't like crooked cops... especially those I don't own."

Angered, Takaba runs over to a panel and hits a button that reads: "FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!" A loud alarm suddenly goes off. Imamiya manages to break away from the men.

Takaba yells out triumphantly, "HA!" Asami glares at him.

Suddenly, water starts spraying from the ceiling.

Takaba looks up sheepishly, "Oh... sprinklers. HA HA HA... I didn't think of that." In the distance, he hears the sound of expensive electronic equipment shorting out.

Asami reaches behind Takaba and hits the alarm-kill switch. The alarm and spraying water cuts off. Asami, dripping with with water, keeps his arm there, trapping Takaba against the wall.

Takaba glares at Asami defiantly. "This is all YOUR fault, you know. You keep stalking me!"

"You're the one who showed up to MY club! But..." Asami reaches around and begins kneading Takaba's rear end, "... I don't mind too terribly."

Takaba blushes. "Don't get too excited. You're fondling my wallet."

Asami's hand moves around to the front of Takaba's pants. "Oh... and what is this?"

Takaba gasps, "My... my camera."

"I see." Asami looks directly into Takaba's eyes. "I suppose you're going to tell me that THIS," he slides his hand lightly up and down, "...is a telephoto lens?"

Takaba stutters, "Y-yes! It's a... uh, 85 m-millimeter, ahhh... Nikon..."

Asami's hand reaches further down. "Ah... and this?"

Takaba tenses, "Hahh... that's my ba- YEEEK!" Takaba squeals suddenly as Asami quickly slips his hand into Takaba's front pocket and pulls out a ping pong ball-shaped object.

Takaba stares at the device. "WHAT... is THAT?!"

"It's a mic," Asami frowns as studies it, "although I've never seen one quite so... round... before. Imamiya must have planted it on you."

Takaba shakes his head. "Without my knowledge? That's impossible! I don't know how the hell he could have gotten THAT thing into my pants!''

Asami looks sharply at Takaba. "You don't?" He angrily squeezes and crushes the mic with his hand. Takaba winces.

"Would you like me to show you?" Asami starts undressing Takaba, "Allow me to demonstrate..." He begins to slowly seduce Takaba.

Asami devotes around 5 manga pages (or about 25 drawn panels) JUST to the foreplay alone; therefore proving- WITHOUT A DOUBT- that Asami's creator was a woman.

**. . . . .**

MUCH later, Takaba staggers out of the club. He turns around and shakes his fist at the building. "That's right!" he shouts. "It was my plan ALL ALONG to distract you with sex!" He chuckles and mutters softly, "but YOU didn't know I had..." Takaba reaches down and pulls mini-camera out of his sock, "... TWO cameras! Oh yeah! Who's clever NOW!"

He turns around to leave but suddenly walks into wall. The wall has a HUGE hand, which reaches out and snatches the mini-camera from Takaba.

"YAAH!" Takaba cries out.

Massively HUGE lackey Suoh Kazumi places a piece of candy in Takaba's hand and pats him on the head. "You just can't stay away from the Boss, can ya?" He winks at Takaba.

Suoh laughs and then goes back into the club. Takaba glares after him for a minute, then looks at the candy in his hand and shrugs. He unwraps the candy and pops it into his mouth.

Takaba makes a face, "Yuck! Butterscotch. I hate butterscotch."

Whatever happened to Detective Imamiya? Nobody cares by this point.

Especially Takaba.

**. . . . .**

**. .**

Coming soon... Chapter 4- The Naked Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Acknowledgements: The Eagles. Hotel California. Asylum, 1976._


	4. The Naked Youth, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takaba is totally responsible for all the violence and bloodshed in Chapter 4! Asami solves the mystery of why he is staying in that damn hotel room. Fei Long returns and throws a temper tantrum that unbelievably lasts through 3 books!
> 
> A parody based on the original story "The Naked Truth" from One Wing in the Viewfinder (aka, The Hong Kong Arc)

**. .**

**. . . . .**

Takaba, Koh, and Takato walk down the dimly lit corridor toward Takaba's apartment.

Koh has a huge grin on his face. "Oh man... this is going to be so much fun! Three dudes staying up all night, eating hotpot and drinking warm beer on a hot summer's night. Doesn't get any better than this. I just love manly bonding!"

Takaba pulls out his keys to unlock the door. "Yeah, we're always staying up all night drinking. By the way Takato, I gotta ask you something... doesn't your wife mind that you stay out all night with us? I mean, you even spent all New Year's Day with us instead of her."

Koh turns to Takato, flabbergasted. "You're MARRIED? When did THAT happen?"

"A few weeks ago, back in Chapter Three. You should know, you were there!" Takato frowns, "There was a cop stalking Akihito back then... remember?"

"There's ALWAYS somebody stalking me," Takaba grumbles.

"But... but..." Koh stammers, "the guy that got married had BLACK hair!"

"Well... you see," Takato explains, "I dyed it, and then... uh, I dyed it back again afterwards."

Takaba opens the door. "So Takato, it doesn't bother your wife AT ALL that you..."

"AAAAH!" Koh yells suddenly. "Akihito! You've been robbed!" Koh and Takato stare at the trashed apartment.

Takaba turns red. "No... I've just been too busy to clean. Sorry about that. Let me just clear off a place so we can put these groceries down..."

"There's a clean spot over there..." Takato points, "where your computer used to be."

"AAAAH!" Takaba yells suddenly. "I've been robbed!

**. . . . .**

Takaba is sitting in a nice restaurant, chatting on his cell phone with his friend, Koh.

"I'm having a terrible day! I'm going to be totally busy for the next two weeks. The thief also stole all my photo disks, so I have to re-shoot everything."

_"You know you are the most awesome friend in the world to invite us along for one of your re-shoots! I mean WOW! The food... the free drinks... the yacht... the free drinks..."_

"Ha ha!" Takaba laughs, "How much have you had to drink, Koh? Where did you get the crazy idea that I invited you along for one of my photo re-shoots?"

_"From that beautiful model you have working for you... who came and picked us up in that limo! She said you arranged it all."_

"Model? What model?" Takaba asks puzzled.

_"The beautiful Chinese woman! You know... with the long silky hair, sultry eyes, husky voice..."_

"Ehh? I don't know any beautiful Chinese women with long silky hair, sultry eyes..."

Fei Long walks in. He flips his long silky hair back in a total model move, then sits down at Takaba's table and glares at him.

"Hey... something just came up. I'll call you back."

Takaba ends the call and puts his phone down. "Look, about what happened before... that was ALL a misunderstanding! I swear, there's NOTHING between Asami and me."

"Is that why you think I'm here?" Fei Long slips his hand over Takaba's. "Think again."

"Oh, umm..." Takaba tries to pull his hand away but Fei Long grips it tightly. "You know, you and Asami have SO much more in common than you and I do. You know... like a life of crime, shooting at each other for fun, raping innocent young men... you two should really get together and make up, because I've honestly never seen two people who were truly meant for each other."

Fei Long smiles. "I'm only interested in Asami's disk."

Takaba blushes furiously. "OH! Well... it is rather large... and h-he really knows how to use it, but..."

Fei Long growls. "DISK! D- I- **S** \- K. With an ' **S** ' not a ' **C** ', you idiot!"

"Oh! Sorry, I though maybe you had... a lisp."

Fei Long digs his fingernails into Takaba's hand. "Where are your friends, Koh and Takato?"

Takaba winces from the pain. "How do you know who my...?" Takaba looks at his phone as realization sets in. "Oh no..."

"I'll make a deal with you. You give me the disk, with the information intact, and I'll give you back your friends... with all their vital organs intact. Does that sound like a fair deal to you?" Fei Long gives him an evil smile.

Takaba grumbles, "Not really. Somehow I think I'm gonna end up getting screwed in the end."

**. . . . .**

Later at a marina, Koh and Takato watch as Fei Long exits a car and strolls past them.

"Isn't that just the sexiest thing you've ever seen?" Koh sighs. "She's a stunner! I swear Takato, I'm in love!"

Takato scrunches up his face. "You realize that's a man, right?"

Koh turns to Takato. "A man?! No way!" He looks back at Fei Long again and shrugs. "I'd still tap that."

Takato rolls his eyes, "You'd tap anything even remotely warm-blooded that moved... if it would let you get close enough."

Koh gazes at Fei Long dreamily, not really listening, "Yeah..."

**. . . . .**

Takaba walks into the hotel room. "Wow! The Imperial Suite!" Takaba smirks, "You didn't have to go to all this trouble just for me."

Asami crosses his arms. "I didn't. I have to go to a meeting and everyone attending the meeting is staying here, so it makes sense for me to get a room here as well."

Takaba shakes his head, "No, it doesn't. You already live close by. Try again."

Asami glances at the phone. "I'm expecting a phone call from someone, but he wrote the number down wrong. He was off by one digit. This room happens to have the phone with that number."

Takaba looks surprised. "Really?"

"I just felt compelled to get a room," Asami says irritably. "I really don't know why."

Takaba takes a deep breath. "Your boyfriend, Fei Long came to see me."

"He's not my boyfriend," Asami growls.

Takaba's lip quirks upward, "Sorry... your EX-boyfriend."

Asami glares at him. "Are you purposely trying to piss me off?"

"No... NO!" Takaba puts his hands up apologetically. "I'm not. I just need a small disk... I mean, FAVOR!"

Asami looks at him sternly, "I'm not giving you that damn computer disk. Do you have any idea what's on it?"

"Um... porn?" Takaba says meekly.

"You wish," Asami smirks.

Takaba tries to think of a way to manipulate Asami, and then remembers that Asami seems to have a weakness for tears. He turns his back, thinks of something sad, and then turns back around. Tears are now streaming down his face.

"So..." Takaba's lip quivers ever so slightly, "You won't help my friends?"

Suddenly an intense emotional look comes over Asami's face. Takaba begins to do a mental victory dance.

Asami grabs Takaba, "Nope." His lips crush against Takaba's in a passionate kiss.

Takaba panics and struggles, breaking the kiss. He manages to push Asami away. "Wait! Look... I'm crying! See the tears?"

Asami looks at him, his eyes blazing with mad desire. "Oh yes! Seeing a cute young man cry makes me incredibly horny. Always has." He lunges at Takaba.

"Ah! Oh shit... I got that wrong, didn't I? No... WAIT!"

Asami grabs Takaba by his shirt and drags him to the bed.

**. . . . .**

Fei Long is pacing back and forth at a bayside restaurant. He walks over to Koh and smiles sweetly at him. "I think you need to call your little friend and find out what's taking him so long to get here."

Koh shrugs, "Maybe he couldn't make it?"

"CALL HIM!"

Koh pulls out his phone, "Yeah... you know, I think I'll give him a call to find out what's taking him so long to get here."

Koh taps Takaba's name on his phone. Fei Long leans toward the phone so he can listen. Kou grins like an idiot and snuggles closer to Fei Long.

_"Hahhh...ahh... yes..."_

"Hey Akihito! It's getting late. When are you coming out here?

_"Uhh... ummm...there..."_

"Yeah, out to the marina."

_"Ohhh yes...right... THERE!"_

"Well, the party is about to get started. Do you want us to wait for you?"

_"Mmm...no...NO! Please... don't stop..."_

"Well, hurry up then! We'll be outside."

_"Haah... hot... sooo hot...!"_

"Actually, I'd say it's quite pleasant. There's a really nice breeze out here. So? Are you coming or not?!"

_"Ahhh...yes... YES... YES! COMING!"_

Koh turns to Fei Long. "He says he's coming."

Fei Long grabs the phone, "Give me that!" He listens for a few seconds, his face reddening.

Fei Long growls into the phone, "Be here by 4 o'clock, or else your friends are dead!" He hands the phone back to Koh and stomps off.

Koh looks at Fei Long, puzzled. "Does this mean we're not going out on the yacht?"

**. . . . .**

Takaba gets out of the shower and sees that Asami has his back turned to him. Takaba hears the sound of a drink can being opened. After a few seconds Asami turns around. "Are you thirsty?" He hands Takaba a can of orange soda.

Asami picks up a glass of wine. Takaba stares at the wine. "How come you didn't offer me a glass of wine?"

"You prefer orange soda."

"That's true... but how would YOU know that?" Takaba looks at Asami suspiciously.

Asami smirks, "Because you're so predictable."

"Predictable, eh? Let's trade!" Takaba snatches the glass of wine away from Asami and hands him the can of soda. "Well? Drink up!"

Asami looks at Takaba in shock. He stares at the can warily, and then puts it down. "I'm not drinking this rubbish."

"I didn't expect you would," Takaba smirks. He downs the glass of wine and then smacks his lips. "Oooh! That was very tasty! Too bad you didn't..." Suddenly, he crumples to the floor, knocked out from a sedative in the wine.

Asami picks him up, puts him in the bed, and covers him with a blanket. "You're so predictable," he smiles affectionately.

**. . . . .**

At yet another hotel, on the opposite side of the city, Asami is visiting with an old friend by the name of Cho.

Asami lights a cigarette and wonders why Cho made him come all the way across town in the middle of the night, when he could have just as easily told him what he wanted over the phone.

Cho laughs nervously, "I pissed off Fei Long. He wants to kill me, so I'm just going to stick close to you because I heard you really know how to protect a guy!"

"Fei Long is after you, too? He's also after my..." Asami frowns, "nephew..."

"It must be reassuring for you to know that your..." Cho snickers, "nephew... is safe in that penthouse fortress of yours."

Asami's brow furrows, "Actually, I drugged him and left him helpless in an unguarded hotel room downtown."

Cho looks at Asami, horrified, and then runs out the door.

"Ah," Asami sighs heavily. "That explains why I am staying in that damn hotel room..."

**. . . . .**

Meanwhile back at the Imperial Suite, Takaba can hear someone banging on the door.

He walks up to the door. "Who is it?"

"Fei Long's goons," a muffled voice answers. "We're here to beat some information out of you! Let's us in!"

Takaba rolls his eyes, "No."

"Where's Asami!?" yells the voice on the other side of the door.

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because if you don't, we'll break this door down, rape you, and then kill all your friends."

Takaba slips a piece of paper under the door. "Here's the address. It's faster if you take the highway."

**. . . . .**

Back at the second hotel, Asami is standing in the lobby that has been recently destroyed by gunfire. Cho is dead, along with five of Fei Long's men. Shattered glass and splattered blood cover the room.

Takaba walks in and gasps. He feels horribly guilty at first, but then realizes that this may be his one chance to finally break free from Asami.

Takaba walks up to Asami and dramatically does a wide sweep of the room with his arm. "All of this... I AM the one. I AM responsible. I TOTALLY ratted on you to Fei Long and told him where you were."

Asami raises his eyebrows. "You're telling me you are the cause of THIS?" His face registers extreme shock. "YOU?! YOU'RE the one responsible for all this carnage and bloodshed?"

Takaba steels himself and proclaims boldly, "That's EXACTLY what I'm saying."

Asami gives Takaba a fierce look. Takaba flinches as Asami advances toward him. "That is just..."

He suddenly grabs Takaba and gazes at him lustfully, "... hot as hell!" He bends down to Takaba's ear and whispers, "Move in with me." He kisses Takaba long and hard.

After a minute, Takaba pulls away from Asami, gasping for air. "Has ANYONE ever told you... that you are truly warped?!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Asami grins.

Takaba stares at him. "It is a bad thing."

"Go pick up what you need and meet me at my place. On second thought, you don't need to pick up anything, not even clothes. Just head straight over to my place."

"Umm... I need to go get my... LUCKY toothbrush! Yeah! So, I'll just get that and then meet you at your place in an hour."

"Make it 30 minutes."

"Right..." Takaba casually walks out and once he is outside, he RUNS LIKE HELL!

**. . . . .**

Takaba runs into his friends, Koh and Takato. They hug like they haven't seen each other for 36 hours.

Koh studies Takaba suspiciously. "You have that look on your face again... like, you just had some really satisfying sex. How is it YOU get the most sex out of all of us?

"Yeah!" Takato says. "You get more than me, and I'm married!"

Takaba's eyebrow quirks up. "That's because you're never home, idiot." Takaba turns to Koh, "I need to hide out at your place for a while..."

Takaba sees Fei Long's limo drive by. "AH! Never mind! I just had a brilliant idea!" He takes off running after the limo.

Koh and Takato watch Takaba as he runs down the street. Koh narrows his eyes, "He's gonna to get laid again, isn't he?"

Takato sighs. "Probably."

**. . . . .**

Takaba chases the limo through congested streets until he sees the car head into a parking garage of an office building He finally finds Fei Long in a random office.

"Look, Fei Long," Takaba pants as he tries to catch his breath. "You like Asami, and I just KNOW Asami likes you, so you need to go talk to him. Quickly, before he catches me and locks me up in a cage inside his place!"

Fei Long gasps, "He asked you to move in with him?!"

Takaba shakes his head confused. "I'm getting the idea that maybe you don't understand Japanese so well."

Takaba backs away as Fei Long saunters toward him. "I heard you two on the phone earlier, going at it. I guess I'll just have to settle for indirect sex with Asami."

Takaba frowns, "Indirect sex? There's no such thing..." Fei Long grabs Takaba and yanks his pants down. "You've GOT TO BE kidding me!"

Fei Long pats Takaba's behind. "I'll make a deal with you."

"No way! Your deals suck!"

"You describe to me what it's like to make love to Asami, along with all the precise details- down to his dirty talk, moans, and other sound effects. If you do a good job, I'll let you go."

"O-okay. First, he runs his fingers through my hair and tells me how it's the most beautiful he's ever seen..."

Fei Long growls at Takaba, and then... RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM!

**. . . . .**

Ten seconds later, Fei Long chuckles and zips up his pants. He hears the telltale sound of the hammer being drawn back on a gun. He pulls out his gun and whips around and points it at Asami.

Asami also has his gun pointed at Fei Long. "All right, Fei Long! You've had your fun, now give him back!"

Fei Long stares at the gun aimed at him and then smiles deviously. "Before I do that... don't you think Takaba has the roundest butt cheeks you've ever seen? I mean, that ass is truly a work of art... don't you think, Asami?"

Asami's eyes flicker in the direction of Takaba's ass. Fei Long rolls his eyes before shooting Asami twice. "I'm really pissed off that worked!" he growls.

Asami falls to his knees. "His ass is indeed... a work of art, but..." Asami grunts in pain as blood pours from his wounds, "Takaba also has very nice hair... prettier than yours, I'd say."

"I'm not falling for that!" Fei Long scowls.

"That natural shade of pale gold? It's simply breathtaking," Asami smirks.

"Natural, my ass! That has to be the WORST dye job I've ever..." Fei Long's eyes flicker in the direction of Takaba's hair. Asami quickly raises his gun and shoots Fei Long in the stomach. Fei Long clutches his stomach as blood spurts from between his fingers.

"Heh... got you," Asami chuckles evilly, as his own blood begins to pool onto the floor.

"Both of you are seriously unbalanced!" Takaba backs toward the door, "But you know... it's great that you two have so much in common with each other. I'll just leave you guys alone now..."

Fei Long quickly snatches Takaba. "Mine!" Fei Long sticks his tongue out at Asami. "HA HA HA! I got your catamite!"

Takaba struggles against Fei Long. "Let me go!" He stops suddenly, "Wait... what's a catamite?"

Asami suppresses a smile and lightly coughs. "He said 'I got your cat that bites'."

Takaba turns to Fei Long, "Oh. Yeah, that's right! I bite!" He chomps down on Fei Long's arm.

Fei Long growls and punches Takaba, knocking him out. He begins to drag Takaba across the room. Takaba's pants have slipped down to his knees. Asami tries to stand but collapses to the ground.

"If you... ever..." Fei Long struggles to pull Takaba's body toward the door, his own blood begins to drip on the floor "...want to see him... again...you'll have to come to..." Fei Long stops for a second and gasps for air, "Damn, he's heavier than he looks!" He resumes dragging Takaba, whose pants have now slipped down to his ankles, and exits out the door.

Fei Long is now gone. Takaba is now gone. The only thing left remaining in the room is a wounded Asami.

And a lone pair of pale green pants. With nobody inside them.

**. . . . .**

**. .**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: The Naked Youth, Part 2! Coming... maybe in the next year or two.  
> :P
> 
>  
> 
> _Acknowledgements: Dr. Suess. "What Was I Scared Of?" The Sneetches and Other Stories. New York: Random House, 1989._

**Author's Note:**

> _The Viewfinder Series are the property of Yamane Ayano and Digital Manga Publishing. I claim exemption under the US Copyright "Fair Use" rule (Use in Parody) [17 U.S.C. § 107]_


End file.
